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Thursday, December 23, 2004

A Christmas "Disclaimer" You Can Use To Avoid Offending Anyone

Being a lawyer myself for over 20 years, I have access to some of the best and brightest legal minds, at least here on the West Coast. I therefore requested that they draft for me a disclaimer that can be included with your Christmas cards or handed out as you greet someone this holiday season with a hearty "Merry Christmas!" The following is the first draft which can modified to suit your particular politically-correct situation (special thanks to S. Harrell): "A Christmas Greeting (without prejudice) From me ("The Wishor") to you (hereinafter called "The Wishee"): Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice-holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all, and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, class, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee. By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that follow: This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal. - This greeting is freely transferable, provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged. - This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes. - This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor. - This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably as may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. - The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor. Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Savior", or any other religious or festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged. " OK...subject to the above...MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

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