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Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Moonbats Have Come Out

The conspiracy theorist losers have come out in droves. Their mantra is that the "Code Red" issued by Homeland Security as a result of the thwarted terrorist plot is actually a politically motivated ploy by the Bush Administration. Look here and here and here for a representative sampling. Here's a great counter-comment posted by "Paul" at Americablog. He obviously has a functioning brain: I've decided that since reasoning with moonbats is functionally impossible, I will offer my earnest help by offering up more conspiracy theories you guys haven't had the imagination to think up yet. Ever wonder how Bush could be a mastermind of 9/11 yet so stupid that he's confused by children's books? Aside from the overly simplistic and not-sufficiently-convoluted reason that Cheney is pulling all the string, it should be obvious by now that the reason Bush is Supreme World Leader has to do with Roswell. Yep, that UFO that crashed in Roswell in the 1940s is the explanation behind Bush's seemingly UNEARTHLY grip on world power. Ever since the crash, scientists have trying to crack the secrets, but by sheer dumb luck, the U.S. military-industrial complex finally managed to decode the secrets right before Bush became President. The military, being angry with Clinton-Gore, then used the new-found advanced technology to manipulate the Florida race so that Bush would win by a few hundred votes. This advanced alien technology is the reason why the New York Times, Miami Herald, and a dozen other big newspapers who were allowed to examine and count the votes themselves years after the election, all concluded that Bush did in fact win. The same alien technology also handily explains how Bush-Cheney could have masterminded 9/11 without the plot being uncovered, even allowing the U.S. military-industrial complex to clone artificial human being who only looked like Muslim men from Egypt and Saudi Arabia. But that was nothing compared to REAL application of the Roswell technology, i.e. Afghanistant. I mean, think about it, a country that has successfully beat off thousands of years of attempted invasion by outside powers from Alexander the Great to the Soviet Union, gets pounded into dust in a matter of weeks by air power alone. It only makes sense if you accept the idea that the U.S. was testing weapons derived from Roswell. Iraq is pretty much explained similarly. One of the largest militaries in the Middle East, funded by billions of dollars of Food-for-Oil money via UN diplomatic funnels, is felled in a matter of weeks by a force that is just a fraction of its size. Roswell. It only makes sense if you accept Bush wields Roswell's secrets.But Roswell isn't just about weapons of minor and mass destruction, oh no! It also explains the incompetent spineless idiocy of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. That's right - you can already guess what I'm about to say. Mind-control. Bush now wields mind-control technology from the Roswell flying saucer and has been using it to keep the Democratic leadership in total disarray since 9/11. It makes absolute sense if you think about it, because mind-control devices enhance the qualities of wielder's mind. Bush is a monkey, so when he puts on that mind-ray cap, some of that simian-level intelligence is transmitted into Pelosi and Reid's minds. That video of Bush and Blair joking at the G8 summit? What that they were laughing about was they were making coded jokes about fooling around with the mind-control device. The "sweater" that Tony jokes he knitted for Bush is a old-boy joke about the Brit improvements to the mind control hat. Which all comes down to today's terror bust. No, it's not because terrorists exist in the world. It's not because terrorists are called terrorists because they think of different ways to kill innocent people spectacularly. The most recent "Code Red" terror plot is just Bush field-testing a new Roswell technology. Obvious, isn't it? The new devices is a new WMD, one designed to induce fear into mass populations. The terror alert is just to allow the scientists to fine tune the device. But as it turns out, luckily, the kind of electrochemical patterns generated in the human brain by thinking thoughts like "Bush is Hitler", "Bush planned 9/11" and "Bush Bush Bush" creates a kind of neurological interference that blocks the effects of the device. Only people who think these thoughts ALL THE TIME will remain immune to the mind-manipulating effects of the Roswell Weapon of Mind Destruction. So what does it all mean? Just wait and see! You ain't seen nothing yet! Roswell, I tell you...Roswell explains everything.